One of the things that I’ve realised while bumbling along this bariatric path is that most people use some form of accountability to keep them on the straight and narrow. Instagram is a popular tool, with it’s photo-based visual traps which also give people the instant gratification which they might need to keep them going through the day.

Much in the way that writing this helps with my catharses and getting the pats on the back make me feel good because I’m a narcissistic fucker (don’t stop – my fragile ego couldn’t take it). Close to the bone jokes aside, we do all need this positive reinforcement on some level.

The amazing T is my life coach/cheerleader/arsekicker. I’m very lucky to have her. Some days are easier than others, but T provides me with incredibly positive and more focused accountability – accompanied with achievable goals. One of the big things that has been coming up of late is my need to fix my head in the best and most correct fashion. So back into therapy I will go.

One my my worries for all of the people who blog on Instagram is while they are getting the “likes” and many comments (both positive and negative), is this fixing the root cause in their heads which made them overeat in the first place? This is one of the principle reasons that I have eschewed instagram. People have asked if I’m going to do it. The answer is a hard no. In any event, my drunk selfies in dens of iniquity are much more authentic.

The comments on these posts are the stuff of the “huns”. “You look amazing hun xxx” or “Babes – I wish I looked as good as you xoxo” or “You’ve lost so much weight and you’re stunning”. Then there’s the darker side of the commentary, “I can’t believe you can eat so much – after my bypass I can only eat one spoonful of unicorn shit and then I feel like I’m going to vom”. Then you move to the post plastic surgery: “I’d be horrified if my scars looked like that” or worse, “I’d contact your surgeon – that doesn’t look anything like mine”. Who are these fucktards? How are these comments/backhanded compliments at best/evil put downs in any way conducive to a positive attitude to one’s self worth?

Why is there are a whole swathe of people who think it’s ok to not know what they really look like any longer? Why do they adopt “the pose” which is identical in every single photo? Yes, it makes you look slimmer, but when you look in an actual mirror and don’t see the person who you’ve purported in that photo, how does that make you feel? Doesn’t it just bring further confusion?

And this is before the vanity of a filter. Sure, the one that tuns you into a dancing banana is fucking hilarious. But the one which makes your face thinner to conform to a societal “norm” – not OK. That’s not who you are. Is this vanity and boasting the counter-culture of accountability?

That said, I’m still going to lift my arse flesh so that the mirror is kinder to the wrinkles.