One of the things that I’ve noticed during researching this surgery, is the genuine surprise that some of the people have had that it hurts afterwards. This isn’t a magic wand. This is an irreversible surgery. I lie awake fretting that I’m not making the right decision. What if I die during the surgery? What if? What IF?

I might die without it though. I’m conscious that although I’m not an overweight person who just sits in a chair all day, that one day I will lose mobility. One day I will get diabetes or some other form of obesity related illness. I’m definitely shortening my life by not being able to lose weight in the longer term without the surgery.

Another worry is that people will think that this is cheating. I don’t see it that way, and nor should I feel like I have to justify my choice at all. I’ve still got to do the work to actually lose the weight. This is just a tool to aid this process. Before I made the decision, I felt like I was trying to get to the summit of Mount Everest without any oxygen – it was so overwhelming. Now I feel more capable. I’m not naive enough for a second to think it will be easy, though.

Will I be able to live a normal life? Will I be able to go and get pissed with my friends? Will I ever be able to eat a tasting menu in a nice restaurant again? Will I, will I, will I? Will this end the halcyon days of my youth?